A beginning, a warning, creativity and spiritual pathways...

So a part of this whole crossroads/middle age crisis thing is a continual examination of one's navel apparently. And believe you me I am very well acquainted with my navel, being a bellydancer and all that jazz :)

But I am also very good at keeping my deepest, darkest desires and thoughts hidden from all. Years of having fragile personages about me and being fearful of the effect my scary inner self may have upon them have taught me well.

So I have created this blog. Not just one that is attached to the various other social networking sites I am active in and which I never share too much on for the sanity of all. But one I have to go out of my way to write in and therefore is primarily for myself.

So BEWARE anyone who comes here...you may find out more about me than you would ever like to know.

My current theme is on reawakening, reharnessing and refocussing my creative and spiritual self. One and the same I feel, for without my creative expression my spiritual self wastes and dissipates.

Some may not know that I consider myself a Pagan and that my path of belief is that of Druidry. I have always had a belief in something beyond, something undefinable and infinite...but the Christian way of looking at it always seemed too regimented, too removed from the world that we are a part of for me. I did enjoy the ritual and theatrical and recognise the wisdom in some of its teachings although most of which I consider have been rebranded and redeployed within it's doctrine.

However, I always had a love of nature that was I believe instilled in me by my parents. In the somewhat small and gentle ways that they were capable of delivering it to me in. Never religious, we were always encouraged to explore whatever interested us, as long as it hurt no-one. When I was of an age to explore more independently I fell into the new-age movement of the eighties and early nineties and immersed myself in astrology and wicca. Although I felt a strong familiarity with the basic tenets within Wicca I was not interested in deliberating causing change, so it was ultimately not for me.

My strongest spiritual interest lay in the seasonal organisation of celebration and ritual, something I had always felt I had missed and I felt comfortable with the term Pagan. When I came across the writings of Neo-Druidry primarily by Emma Restall Orr from the (then) British Druid Order - BDO, I felt like I had finally come home.

A very liberal and open minded tradition as it is now, Druidry is quite inclusive of various ideas of the divine. But for me the (arguably) most central concept within Druidry is the belief in "Awen". Awen is seen to be the spiritual creative energy that exists in all things. This is an energy that could be recognised in other traditions such as the Shakti energy of the Hindu faith or The Holy Spirit of the Christian faiths.

The meaning of the word  to quote Greywolf (BDO) in his article 'Awen - The Holy Spirit of Druidry' : The feminine noun, Awen, has been variously translated as 'inspiration' , 'muse', 'genius', or even 'poetic frenzy'. The word itself is formed by combining the two words, aw, meaning 'a fluid, a flowing', and en, meaning 'a living principle, a being, a spirit, essential'. So Awen may be rendered literally as 'a fluid essence', or 'flowing spirit'.

The belief that spoke so loudly to me was about harnessing this energy and expressing it through whatever means of creative expression you are gifted with. To create is to be in touch or literally connected to the divine force and could be seen as a form of prayer or worship. So you are honouring whatever your concept is of the divine by doing so.

So while over the years my active participation in the broader pagan community has drifted away and my honouring of the seasonal celebrations has gradually waned to a mere acknolwedgement that the seasons have passed, my belief in this central tenet has remained. I continue to honour it through my dance and whatever else I turn my creative hand to.

But, perhaps it is that we are coming out of the hibernation and times of contemplation in winter and are moving into the budding time of pre-spring that has awoken my need to re-establish that connection to the seasonal world - the REAL world after all. My husband & I have spent the cool weather indoors and have quite by accident (one may assume) absorbed and ingested hours of inspirational documentaries and various TV series that have a focus on self-sufficiency, ethical farming, low impact and self aware living.

We have begun to restructure our lifestyle quietly and gently. While we have for a long time bought only free range chicken, we now do the same for all of our meat. We also go to our local farmers market once a week to buy locally (or as close to) and ethically produced meat, veges and other food products. We have even begun to buy only free-trade ethically produced coffee and now chocolate (although I will admit, giving up the good ole TimTams and Cadbury chocolate is tough).

I have in the past struggled with the idea of become a vegetarian & often will eat vegetarian foods where the alternative is meat produced non ethically. However, physiologically I believe that we are designed to eat aome meat and so for the moment I choose to eat less of it and to eat that which has been ethically farmed, wherever it is possible for me to do so.

This brings me to a small point of divergence. As I also have a strong belief in doing what one can and in the spirit of hospitality, so I will not refuse someone's offering to me a meal cooked where the meat is not from a known ethical source. I see that they are honouring the spirit of hospitality through creating a meal and offering to share it with me. They are not of my way and do not necessarily honour my belief's but here we are sharing a meal with them. So I will eat, while quietly honouring my own beliefs through offering thanks to my hosts and to the animals that have died to provide me with my meal. I will offer alternate views and provide information to my friends quietly though other means or where they request it but I will not insult them by foisting it upon them directly.

Anyhow, my point being that we are making small changes with the purpose of reconnecting us with our spiritual pathways and reawaken our slumbering creative potential.

This is just a beginning....